Personal Surveys, Via Email
by ShadowElfBard
Summary: What would happen if five of the characters from the Pretender were to be emailed a personal survey? What would they put down?
1. Jarod

**Personal Survey! Fill in and enjoy!**

(Send to at least one other person)

**Name:** Jarod. (Last name changes a lot. Don't ask.)

**Nicknames:** Wonder boy, J-dog, Lab rat, Frankenstein 

**Job:** Changes daily and weekly. (Again, don't ask.)

**Dream Job:** Pez taste-tester. ;)

**What you're good at:** Running. 

**Special Talents:** Pretending. It's complicated. 

***Current family members, list one attribute for each that applies***

**Mother:** Don't know.

**Father:** Brave

**Sister:** Don't know.

**Brother:** One's dead but I might have another. Not sure.

**Son and/or daughter:** I have a clone, does that count?

**Favorite family member:** Dad. Only one I know at this point. I'm working on it okay?!

**Friends:** Argyle, Broots, Sydney, and miscellaneous people I've picked up over the years. Not sure if Ms. Parker counts.

**Where did you grow up? :** In a cage.

**Where do you live? :** Wouldn't **_you_** like to know?

**Where would you like to live? :** As far away from Delaware as possible.

**Greatest fear:** Ms. Parker. (You'd be frightened too if you knew her.)

**Biggest Obsession: **Pez. Love it, and can't live without it.

**Strange habits and/or activities:** Pretending to be other people while I solve crimes and conspiracies. Also leaving taunting clues for the people hunting me down. I don't get out much.

**Scariest thing you've done or seen:** Nothing really.  Fear is an easy emotion to overcome.

**Favorite Star Wars character:** Yoda****

**Favorite food:** Do I really have to put it down?

**Favorite song:** "I'm A Wanted Man"

**Favorite quote:** "The truth is out there."---X-files 

**First love:** Ms. Parker. It's sad. I'm being hunted down by my childhood sweetheart. How many saw that one coming?

**Three things/people you hate:** Killers, kidnappers, and everyone who willingly works with the Centre.

**Secret fantasy:** Forcing Lyle to watch Sesame Street and Blues Clues while he's strapped to a yellow beanbag chair in a bright pink room with lots of fuzzy stuffed animals.

**Weapon of choice:** My mind

**Goal in life:** To help lots of people and put all of the bad ones in jail.

**Believer in aliens:** What's an alien?

**Worst thing you've ever done:** I've performed simulations. [Breaks down crying at the laptop] I'm a horrible, horrible man! I don't deserve to live!

**Best secret you know:** Ms. Parker's first name. =)

**What are your morals? :** All things have a right to live, and it is only right to take another's life when they are directly threatening your own or another's. Even then, I don't like to kill. Yeah, I'm a pacifist. Go figure.

**What mythical creature best describes you? :** Shape shifter

**If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be? :** The candy store.

**If you could be a cartoon character, who would you be and why? :** Bugs Bunny, that rabbit **_never_** gets caught.

**If you could kill anybody and get away with it, who would it be? :** Raines. Repeatedly. In a hundred different ways. (Ahem.) But of course this is just a theoretical question.

**Who is least likely to respond to this e-mail? :** Ms. Parker, but then again, you never know…


	2. Miss Parker

**Personal Survey! Fill in and enjoy!**

(Send to at least one other person)

**Name:** Ms. Parker. That's all you're getting. Deal with it.

**Nicknames:** Ms. P, Angel, and Ice Queen

**Job:** Huntress of hell

**Dream Job:** Anything but what I do now.

**What you're good at:** Scaring Broots

**Special Talents:** Pissing people off and frightening them at the same time.

***Current family members, list one attribute for each that applies***

**Mother:** I'm not going into it.

**Father:** Scheming liar

**Sister:** None that I know of.

**Brother:** Psychotic maniac

**Son and/or daughter:** None, and its staying that way.

**Favorite family member:** I hate them all.

**Friends:** Broots and Sydney. Not sure if Wonder Boy counts.

**Where did you grow up? :**  The Underworld.

**Where do you live? :** In a small pathetic town that keeps more secrets from people than Bill Clinton.

**Where would you like to live? :** A secluded tropical beach

**Greatest fear:** I have no fears. But I am **_other_** people's greatest fear.

**Biggest Obsession:** Jarod

**Strange habits and/or activities:** Digging up family member's graves, trying to kill my brother, hunting down my old crush… that sort of thing.

**Scariest thing you've done or seen:** Nothing scary, but I have seen my evil twin eat what I think was human flesh. He's a psycho, what did you expect?****

**Favorite Star Wars character:** What the hell is Star Wars? Do I **_look _**like a hopeless and pathetic geek?

**Favorite food:** I hardly eat at all. 

**Favorite song:** "I Will Be Your Hero"

**Favorite quote:** "The cynics are right nine times out of ten." ---Henry Louis Mencken

**First love:** The lab rat. But it's over now. Gone, dead, poof. I care nothing for him. I swear. I don't like him at all. Not one bit. I no longer love him. I don't. I'm not in denial, I'm telling the truth. Believe me damnit!

**Three things/people you hate:** My brother, Raines, and my life.

**Secret fantasy:** To kill my brother.

**Weapon of choice:** .44 magnum. The only friend I'll ever need.

**Goal in life:** To get out of the Centre

**Believer in aliens:** No.

**Worst thing you've ever done:** Shooting at my brother and missing.

**Best secret you know:** I find out new ones daily, and none of them are good.

**What mythical creature best describes you? :** Siren

**What are your morals? :** Don't get in my way.

**If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be? :** Cancun. Far, far, away from here. 

**If you could be a cartoon character, who would you be and why? :** I don't watch cartoons. 

**If you could kill anybody and get away with it, who would it be? :** My brother obviously.

**Who is least likely to respond to this e-mail? :** Broots. He's a coward. There is no other explanation needed.


	3. Broots

**Personal Survey! Fill in and enjoy!**

(Send to at least one other person)

**Name:** Broots

**Nicknames:** They aren't very nice…

**Job:** Technician in a nightmare

**Dream Job:** Head of Microsoft. I'm better than Bill Gates could ever be.

**What you're good at:** Becoming frightened

**Special Talents:** Hacking, encoding, any computer related things. I'm not a geek though.

***Current family members, list one attribute for each that applies***

**Mother:** None

**Father:** None

**Sister:** None

**Brother:** We're not close.

**Son and/or daughter:** Wonderful, sweet, and my sole reason for living.

**Favorite family member:** Daughter

**Friends:** Not sure if I have any. I think maybe Sydney and Ms. Parker, but it's hard to tell sometimes.

**Where did you grow up? :** Heaven when you compare it to this place.

**Where do you live? :** A town that seems like it came out of a Steven King novel.

**Where would you like to live? :** Anywhere but here.

**Greatest fear:** What **_don't_** I fear?

**Biggest Obsession:** My biggest obsession is probably pop-tarts. My most dangerous obsession though is probably Ms. Parker.

**Strange habits and/or activities:** Risking my life for a woman who could cuss me out in a New York minute. {Sigh} the things I do for love.

**Scariest thing you've done or seen:** I saw Mr. Raines while he was…I don't want to go into it.** Favorite Star Wars character:** Chewbacca

**Favorite food:** Pop-tarts

**Favorite song:** "Hotel California"

**Favorite quote:** "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." --- Woody Allen

**First love:** I don't remember if I've ever had one.

**Three things/people you hate:** My job, Raines, and my absence of a backbone. 

**Secret fantasy:** Ms. Parker, me, a bottle of champagne, and a favorite radio station of mine.

**Weapon of choice:** A gun. A big, powerful gun.

**Goal in life: ** To live to see my daughter's graduation.

**Believer in aliens:** After being at the Centre as long as I have, I'll believe in anything.

**Worst thing you've ever done:** I've gone into Raines office, and I've hidden in the bathroom of the director's office while Bridgett and Lyle did…well…you know.

**Best secret you know:** I don't really know any secrets. It keeps me alive.

**What are your morals? :** I can assure you that they are not what the Centre believes in.

**What mythical creature best describes you? :** A gnome. A small, little, burrowing-under-the-ground gnome.

**If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be? :** Home

**If you could be a cartoon character, who would you be and why? :** No cartoon characters, but if I could be any movie character, I'd be James Bond…for obvious reasons.

**If you could kill anybody and get away with it, who would it be? :** Raines. Just as long as no one found out.

**Who is least likely to respond to this e-mail? :** Sydney. He really isn't big on these e-mail things, and I'm not sending it to anyone else. Sorry, but I like living.


	4. Raines

**Personal Survey! Fill in and enjoy!**

(Send to at least one other person)

**Name:** Billy Raines. Just Raines if you would like to live.

**Nicknames:** I am so affectionately referred to as 'wheeze bag' by Ms. Parker. Everyone else is smart enough to call me by my true title.

**Job:** Doctor at the Centre/Triumvirate watchdog

**Dream Job:** Director of the Centre and supreme dictator of earth. Everyone has to have a dream.

**What you're good at:** Making enemies.

**Special Talents:** I'm handy with a scalpel

***Current family members, list one attribute for each that applies***

**Mother: **None

**Father:** None

**Sister:** None

**Brother:** None (this is getting monotonous)

**Son and/or daughter:** Because of Jarod, none

**Favorite family member:** None

**Friends:** I don't require "friends"

**Where did you grow up? :** You don't want to know

**Where do you live? : **At the Centre

**Where would you like to live? :** Triumvirate headquarters

**Greatest fear:** I do not scare easily.

**Biggest Obsession:** Hunting Jarod.

**Strange habits and/or activities:** Experimentation on children, and creating clones in my spare time.

**Scariest thing you've done or seen:** I once rented the Hannibal DVD to watch with some of the sweepers in the sub-levels, and it had accidentally been switched with The Care Bears Movie. (Shudder) I still have nightmares …

**Favorite Star Wars character:** I find that I relate rather well to Darth Vader

**Favorite food:** I don't get to eat much anymore.

**Favorite song:** Music is meaningless.

**Favorite quote:** "I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end." ---Margaret Thatcher

**Three things/people you hate:** Sydney, Jarod, and Ms. Parker

**First love:** Edna

**Secret fantasy:** Jarod strapped to an operating table and me holding a syringe and scalpel.

**Weapon of choice:** Sniper rifle

**Goal in life:** To bring in Jarod and make him burn in a hell that I will gladly prepare 

**Believer in aliens:** I can create some if you'd like.

**Worst thing you've ever done:** Everything I've done has been in the best interest of the Centre and science. I have never done anything wrong. (…) Stop looking at me like that!

**Best secret you know:** Who the killer of Ms. Parker's mother is, along with who the members of Jarod's family are. "I-know-something-you-don't-know!"

**What are your morals? :** What is a moral?

**What mythical creature best describes you? :** Vampire. Or so I've been told by a now dead sweeper.

**If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be? :** My lab. This e-mail is beginning to bore me.

**If you could be a cartoon character, who would you be and why? :** Cartoons are a pointless form of entertainment. (Cough {Elmer Fudd} Cough)

**If you could kill anybody and get away with it, who would it be? :** Sydney. Slowly and painfully.

**Who is least likely to respond to this e-mail? :** Lyle. He's probably to busy doing…other things.


	5. Lyle

**Personal Survey! Fill in and enjoy!**

(Send to at least one other person)

**Name:** Lyle Parker, or Bobby Bowman. Whichever you prefer. Though I do recommend the former, because I won't kill you right off for saying it.

**Nicknames:** I have received no nicknames, because most people are smart enough not to try and give me one.

**Job:** Agent of every child's worst nightmare

**Dream Job:** Head of the Centre, ruler of the world, whichever comes first.

**What you're good at:** Frightening people.

**Special Talents:** I have many…(grin)  **: )**

***Current family members, list one attribute for each that applies***

**Mother:** None. 

**Father:** Untrustworthy and a bit blind.

**Sister:** Cold but magnificently beautiful

**Brother:** None at the moment, but Bridgett might change that…

**Son and/or daughter:** Neither.

**Favorite family member:** I'd have to say my sister. Not for her attitude of course, but her body is another matter.

**Friends:** Speak English please.

**Where did you grow up? :** In a secluded town under two false parents who locked me in a shed. I know, childhood sucks huh?

**Where do you live? :  **Delaware

**Where would you like to live? :** The White house.

**Greatest fear:** I fear nothing.

**Biggest Obsession:** Asian women.

**Strange habits and/or activities:** Cannibalism, murder, electroshock torture on a certain pretender…nothing special.

**Scariest thing you've done or seen:** I've yet to see anything. But things **_I've_** done have been known to cause others to either vomit or run away screaming.

**Favorite Star Wars character:** Darth Maul

**Favorite food:** Look at my tattoo and take a wild guess…

**Favorite song:** I like Pink Floyd's songs. 

**Favorite quote:** "Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." --- Carl Gustav Jung 

**First love:** Love is a pointless emotion.

**Three things/people you hate:** Jarod, his cause, and my stepfather

**Secret fantasy:** I have quite a few. Most involving my sister, handcuffs, and duct tape.

**Weapon of choice:** Long knife.

**Goal in life:** To rule the Centre and capture Jarod.

**Believer in aliens:** Sure, why not?

**Worst thing you've ever done:** I'll let you use your imagination.

**Best secret you know:** If I told you it wouldn't be a secret now would it?

**What are your morals? :** Help me: live. Oppose me: die. Piss me off: die. I get bored: you still might die.

**What mythical creature best describes you? :** Gargoyle

**If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be? :** Jarod's latest hideout

**If you could be a cartoon character, who would you be and why? :** Anybody with a big gun, and an even larger army.

**If you could kill anybody and get away with it, who would it be? :** My father. It's nothing personal, but he's the one in power.

**Who is least likely to respond to this e-mail? :** I don't really intend on sending this to anyone.


	6. Bridgett

**This is the last one of this okay? None of the other characters are detailed enough. Sorry. But I would like to know if any of you would like another story genre done. Harry Potter? Buffy? Star Wars? Please throw me bone! **

**              And now…Back by popular demand…here's Bridgett!**

**Personal Survey! Fill in and enjoy!**

(Send to at least one other person)

**Name:** Bridgett. It's French; don't screw up the pronunciation. 

**Nicknames:** Blonde b***h

**Job:** **_I'm_** not even sure

**Dream Job:** Fashion designer. (If you tell anyone luv, I swear I'll kill you)

**What you're good at:** Ask Lyle and Mr. Parker. ***(**Wink, wink)*

**Special Talents:** Making men happy.

***Current family members, list one attribute for each that applies***

**Mother: **?****

**Father: **?****

**Sister: **?****

**Brother: **?****

**Son and/or daughter:** Work in process. 

**Favorite family member:** I'll get back to you.

**Friends:** I can make any friend I want really. ;)

**Where did you grow up? :** L.A.

**Where do you live? :** Disneyland's alter ego

**Where would you like to live? :** England. I've never been there before.

**Greatest fear:** I am a woman. Fear is for men.

**Biggest Obsession:** Power and money luv. Isn't it everyone's?

**Strange habits and/or activities:** Sucking on lollipops and… never mind. I'll keep this PG.

**Scariest thing you've done or seen:** Lyle.

**Favorite food:** Lollipop's

**Favorite song:** "Bootylicious"

**Favorite Star Wars character:** Princess Leia.

**Favorite quote:** Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. ---Alfred E. Newman

**First love:** I don't do love. Simple pleasure has always worked for me in the end.

**Three things/people you hate:** Ms. Parker, Ms. Parker, and Commercials

**Secret fantasy:** Some time alone with the genius himself… (Licks lips).

**Weapon of choice:** Seduction.

**Goal in life:** To get this child out of me before my stomach gets any bigger. 

**Believer in aliens:** I believe in the immigrants.

**Worst thing you've ever done:** Who cares about the past? Let's look to the future.

**Best secret you know:** I don't really know any. I'm hoping to remedy that…

**What are your morals? :** Any way and every way is the good way to do things, as long as yopu get what you want.

**What mythical creature best describes you? :** Nymph

**If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be? :** Mr. Lyle's office.

**If you could be a cartoon character, who would you be? :** Betty Boop. 

**If you could kill anybody and get away with it, who would it be? :** Ms. Parker. That b***h has been a thorn in my side for too long.

**Who is least likely to respond to this e-mail? :** Sorry luv, this won't be going out to anyone.


End file.
